rollergirl

I’m going to do this. There is no reason not to. Why should I wait any longer? I have been battling against myself for almost 2 and a half years now. It’s time to take this on and get it done.

At my highest, I weighed 198. At my lowest, 167.

Today I weigh 177.

I will weigh 160 or below by Thanksgiving.

And below 150 by New Years.

There it is. It’s go time baby.

time to kick it up a notch. this girl wants a bikini!

On Thursday I got laid off from my job because I failed the qualification test. I have done this job quite a few times now and this is the first time I failed the test. I’ll be honest, my head wasn’t totally in it that day. I was distracted. But it was a really bummer to lose 2 weeks of needed work. I get to go back next month and I know the next job has an easier test. I do feel a bit in the dumps about losing the job and the fact that my school’s graduation is coming up next week. That means my college graduation was officially 2 years ago! What have I really accomplished since then? It doesn’t feel like much. The problem though is that I have been waiting around for something good to come to me, especially these last few months. I’ve really lost the confidence to go after the things I want, the way I used to. I’m getting tired of that now. My 2 year buddyslim anniversary just passed last month. Why the heck haven’t I reached my goal weight yet? There’s no excuse for it at this point. It’s time to get it done and maintain it.

I am going to take these next few weeks to get my life in order and to get myself disciplined again.

Here’s how:

Each week I will spend at least 10 hours searching and applying for jobs.

Each week I will spend at least 10 hours working on my online classwork.

Each week I will spend at least 10 hours studying for my actuary exam.

Each week I will spend at least 10 hours exercising. (this can include simple stuff like walking. I usually do about 6 hours)

Each week I will follow a good meal plan and log my food choices and calories.

Well, so far today I’ve done the eating part! I’m good at that!! lol I didn’t even realize until today how long it’s been since I’ve actually counted calories. No wonder I’m stuck! It feels good to take charge of something in my life.

A while back I had a goal to reach 150 before my birthday, which is May 7th. It was attainable, but I let it slip away. Well I think I could still possibly reach my current mini-goal of 165. I’m expecting tomorrow’s weigh in to be either 169 or 168. So I’m looking at around 4 pounds in 2 weeks. That is definitely doable but will require some serious focus. To me 165 represents my “uh oh I’m getting fat” weight. In 2007 I lost a good amount of weight. I went from 176 at my highest to 140 at my lowest. About a year later, I started to let it slip away around the time when I started dating my fiance. He was a BAD influence on my with eating out way more than I was used to. Plus I felt like he really liked me for me and I didn’t have to worry so much about my weight anymore. By the end of that summer, I weighed 165. My clothes were getting tighter and one day a little girl asked me if I was pregnant. Unfortunately, I reacted to all that in the completely wrong way and started eating MORE and getting lazier. Add to that a very stressful academic semester, and about a year later I was almost 200 pounds. SO getting back to 165 or below in this case would signify the “oh hey I’m starting to get thin again” weight. What a nice birthday present that would be.

Anywho, this week I am struggling with the munchies at work and temptations to eat out. At my job I grade student essays for standardized tests on a computer. It’s not a bad job, but it does get very tedious and repetitive. Plus, I have to wake up around 6:30 or 7 to get there, which is not my favorite thing. I find myself guzzling the coffee (free coffee at work is not a good thing for us slimmers!) to keep me awake and snacking at my desk to fight off the boredom. My sleep schedule is starting to adjust so I hopefully won’t require as much caffeine next week. Coffee in and of itself isn’t a bad thing but when you add the cream and sugar, you’re adding a lot of unecessary calories. I’m trying to stick to the tea and water. As for the munchies, well I think I need to for one thing eat more nutritious foods at mealtimes so I don’t get hungry in between and for another thing just suck it up and do my job! Exercise is the same as usual. I’m doing about 4 hours of roller derby a week. At this point though, my body is so used to that that I don’t think it’s doing enough for me. I am trying to push myself harder at practices. I need to get more cardio outside of that, and some weight training would help me tone up for spring clothes season! I don’t want to make more excuses for why I’m not doing it, I just want to do it!

Well it’s been a few days since I recommitted myself to weight loss and getting healthy. I can’t say I’ve made any major changes, but I’m becoming more aware of my actions. I need to get back in tune with giving my body the things it needs, not just empty calories to fill my hunger temporarily. I had a protein/carbs breakfast. In fact I probably had enough carbs for the whole day. Time to focus on nutrients. Fruits. Vegetables. Milk.

Time to get my walk on….

It has been over 3 months since my last post. It’s been at least a month since I’ve really used the site at all. I’ll be downright honest. I just didn’t feel like it. I still don’t feel like it, even more so now. A part of me feels like I’ve lost enough weight already even though I’m still in the overweight range. Another part of me feels like I want to lose more but I just don’t have the energy to do it. I’m tired. I have zero energy most days and just go through as many motions as I can. Other days I just sit around. I’m tired of my living situation. I’m tired of feeling like my life is on hold. I’m tired of waiting, waiting, waiting, and for what?

BUT I know that coming here and trying is the best thing for me and that this is the best time to start up again. Fortunately, I’m still maintaining my weight. All I have to do is put forth a little effort and I’ll lose some. I don’t want to do it at all, but I’m going to force myself to do it until I start wanting to do it again.

With that being said, I’m heading out for a walk. It’s beautiful weather here, FINALLY!

I followed suit from a few other buddies and took the Real Age Test. My real age is: 38.5. 15 years older than I am. I know that the two main reasons I scored so high were because I am 20 pounds over the healthy weight range and because of my answers to the stress questions. I couldn’t even believe myself how pessimistic my answers sounded when I looked them over. The stress over financial issues the past 2 years has affected me more than I realized. This really makes me reassess my attitude. How can I expect to make positive changes in my life when I have so many negative thoughts?  I’m sure this change is apparent to others too. I know my friends would say I’m not as fun and carefree as I used to be. It’s time to kick the negativity to the curb. It is not helping me get anywhere and affecting my well-being. As for those 20 pounds I have to lose, well I’m doing awesome today, and they will be gone in no time. Three cheers for positivity!

UGHH My eating the last 2 days has been terrible. I’m glad I was at least able to maintain for weigh-in. I was sure it would be a gain. My patience with myself is really running thin lately. I need to get this sh** together.  Tomorrow I’m trying out the GNC meal shake. They recommend 1-2 a day and a 1500 calorie diet. Worth a shot I guess? Something has got to give. I think I wouldn’t be so focused on food all the time if I were busier and working more, but I can’t use that as an excuse and wait until that day comes.

This is my first blog of the new year. I’ve deleted all my old blogs to get a clean slate. One thing I’m realizing this year is that I still have many opportunities to be who I want to be and do what I want to do. I’m committed to making positive changes in my life.

Ok so I know my body is fighting me really hard to stay in the 170s. It is  comfortable here. In a way even I am comfortable here. I can eat what I want. I can look decent in a size 12. Maybe to lose more weight I just have to want it more?

Yesterday I was on a walk and just started jogging out of the blue and my body felt good. Today, my heart is pounding and I get dizzy from doing laundry.  Well that was a good wake up call that my health is not where it should be and I need to be more active.

I’m back to logging my food, maybe that will make the difference. Today is not looking too great so far but I could still keep it in a decent calorie range:

2 eggs - 160

1 large slice bread - 100

6 oreos - 400